Elder care is rewarding even amid the challenges of "raising" parents in their later years
So here's how this came about, this "raising Grandpa" experience. I'm 57 and my husband Bob is 60, and we've raised five children, the oldest being 35 and the youngest 27. They've been out of the house for a number of years and it has been fabulous!! They've collectively given us 16 (yes, sixteen!!!) grandchildren, and they all live within 30 minutes of our house. For several years we've been free to pursue our own dreams and aspirations, travel, eat peaceful dinners on the patio, and enjoy life. And then something happened that changed everything. Grandma Helen, Bob's mother, passed away suddenly. And Grandpa Roy was devastated. Even though he lived in assisted living, this stoic, independent, eighty-nine- year-old elderly man, a Pearl Harbor survivor at that, pleaded to come live with us. "I can't stand to be alone after all these years. And I don't like strangers taking care of me." What was I to do? My husband gave me no help in the matter. "It's entirely up to you," he said. "Whatever you decide." Knowing the challenges of my father-in-law's health issues, I wasn't exactly jumping at the chance to bring him into our home. At times stern, crotchety, critical, and overbearing, Grandpa Roy hadn't exactly been endearing to many throughout his life. But he had always been sweet and kind to me. And over 36 years of marriage to his son, on not one occasion had he ever turned his back on any of his children. I asked myself if it wasn't my moral obligation to take care of him, as my husband's parent? Hmmm. Could I happily live with myself if I said 'no'? But then, could I happily live with myself if I said 'yes'? Twenty-four hours later in the midst of planning Helen's funeral, I asked Grandpa to lunch. I had done very little thinking about the magnitude of Roy's request. I had only prayed. I had an answer come to me, and I knew it was the right answer. At the same time I knew I was giving up a lot that I wasn't really ready to give up. I liked it just being Bob and me. Was I really ready to not only share our home but physically, emotionally, and mentally look after my father-in-law? Thank goodness for divine guidance, for after all, it is what gets us through our most difficult endeavors. Being an adult caregiver to my father-in-law has proven to be a good thing for me. I have become a better person. But not overnight. A year later, I'm ready to bring to light the highs and lows of "Raising Grandpa." Being in a "reserve role" of "raising" a parent takes a lot of patience, a lot of love, and a healthy amount of humor. My hope is that"Raising Grandpa" can be a little spot in your day where you can relate, nod your head, and offer some of your own helps, solutions, and perspective while "raising" and assisting an aging parent.
